Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
