DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
