Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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