i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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