New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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