now i know why i became what i already was.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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