I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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