Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
