Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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