I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
