R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to have your abortion
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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