At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
