All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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