Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
