R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
