my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
