Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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