Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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