Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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