The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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