Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
