I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize