she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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