i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
