nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
