sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
