i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
