I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
