my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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