careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
