Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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