I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
