I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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