I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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