What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wear drunk well.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
