can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
