Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
