do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
