My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
