My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
