Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize