I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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