She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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