rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
what day is it and did you see me today?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
