you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
