____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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