of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
