Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
