i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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