Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
