he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
