I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
