My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want a musical about memes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
