i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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