I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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