he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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