Michael Bay diarrhea
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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