this beer tastes like vomit already
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
