The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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