I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
