Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
