i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
