my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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