He asked to "fluff my boner.."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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