I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
