She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
